February 26th, 2007

Subject: it's been real love since 1999. Time: 07:47 pm

I was in a room full of all my favorite people. There was music you don’t dance to but I couldn’t stop moving. I was sort of drunk/it was sort of sloppy, but I was happy.so HAPPY/ I kept thinking I want this. I WANT THIS. no I HAVE THIS -

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December 22nd, 2006

Subject: things to remember/write Time: 03:28 pm

hnawkjshjkldhiowueriour9ou5roweijaijwro; jesus fucking christ. i don't know what is wrong with me. i don't know what i am desperately searching for when i get myself into these situations. they just...happen. EVERYONE ELSE IS MAKING OUT WHILE I'M STUCK HAVING DEEP MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION. this shouldn't be happening now. not yet. maybe never again. but worst of all, i don't know what i need anymore. i don't know what i want.

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November 12th, 2006

Time: 02:21 pm

they were able to accommodate. i can do it too. i CAN. and i will. i WILL because i have to because if i don't ...

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May 26th, 2006

Current Location: matilda- tacks, the boy disaster Subject: yeah surveys!! Time: 01:02 pm

MOST HATED... FRUIT: bananas CANDY: anything cherry flavoured BEVERAGE: dr. pepper COLOR: lime green TOWN/CITY: moncton TV SHOW: all talk shows (even the ones on mtv) MOVIE: AI (that steven spielberg movie) ASPECT OF MYSPACE: when people have 489849849 friends, even though they clearly don't actually know 489849800 of them ASPECT OF AOL INSTANT MESSENGER: when people are online 24/7 but are never actually there ANIMAL: most rodents (including squirrels) INSECT: mosquitoes BIRD: pigeons SEASON: winter AGE OF KIDS: 9-16 (sorry) WHAT ANNOYS YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING WHEN DRIVING: not driving TALKING ON THE PHONE: when someone calls to talk, not make plans, or if they call but have nothing to say WATCHING TV OR MOVIES: when i'm with someone who has already seen the movie and they keep giving stuff away. or talking, that is not cool. EATING IN RESTAURANTS: eating in restaurants just makes me uncomfortable in general GOING THROUGH DRIVE-THRUS: i don't think i've ever been? YOU'RE AT THE MALL: too many people. SHOWERING: soap in the eye! YOU'RE AT THE BEACH: people YOU'RE AT THE GROCERY STORE: lines YOU'RE ON A DATE: awkwardness/ when the guy doesn't pay. HAHA! JK... COOKING OR BAKING: burning! WHAT HOUSEHOLD CHORE DO YOU HATE THE MOST?: dishes WHAT DO YOU THINK WOULD BE THE ABSOLUTE WORST WAY TO DIE?: anything slow WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING HABIT IN OTHERS?: lying/randomness WHAT IS YOUR WORST HABIT?: hypocrisy. haha, no definitely my slovenliness WHAT FASHION TREND (PAST OR PRESENT): grunge WHAT POPULAR SONG (PAST OR PRESENT) HAVE YOU HATED THE MOST?: eiffel 65 WORST OR MOST HATED PICKUP LINE: i love all pick up lines, seriously. WORST THING ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL: being there at 9am/taking 8 subjects a year MOST IRRITATING THING ABOUT YOUR CAR: TO BE COMPLETELY STEREOTYPICAL, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE MOST ANNOYING THING ABOUT GIRLS?: cattiness TO BE COMPLETELY STEREOTYPICAL, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE MOST ANNOYING THING ABOUT GUYS?: aloofness/apathy?

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March 2nd, 2006

Current Music: the vermicious knid- glowing boys Subject: what's next? the world! Time: 01:55 pm Current Mood: impressed

i haven't written in this thing for frickin' ever! and i guess it is a good thing because i could have written lots of contrived drivel about all the goings on in my life, which there has been a lot of as of late, but i didn't. and i am not going to this time neither. this one is about a boy. i know i know. it's different this time though because i have never spoken to him. well i sort of did once, but i don't even know if he was paying attention. anyway, i have a couple classes with him and i found the back of his head very intriguing. i wasn't sure of his gender, which is always a good sign. he is one of those awkward, pre-pubescent, scrawny looking boys who wears pants that are too short and has mittens attached to his coat. my kind of boy. i see him kind of all over the place, and i am always tempted to just say hi and discover that though is a little bit weirder than my liking, he is an eternal optimist that is interested in things i have never heard of, is from a small town that i have never heard of and he came to toronto because it was time for him to move on to bigger and better things. but i can't. i don't know why, but every time we are in close proximity to each other i am at a loss of words. so i didn't know much about him except that he is funny looking, and that he presumably reads books and likes to watch movies. oh and that he is left handed. thanks to the stalking powers of the internet and a little thing called facebook however, i figured out that he is kind of almost all those things that i wanted him to be. who says you can't judge a book by its cover? he has a link to his livejournal where he writes people's conversations that he has heard on bathurst street. he writes about how amazing life is, even if it is just riding your bike in the rain. he writes about how he is finally making friends in the big city. it has taken him a while, but things are all starting to make sense to him now. i know i am creepy, but he is the kind of person that inspires me to write livejournal posts. i wonder if he knows.

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January 13th, 2006

Current Music: atmosphere- a girl named hope Subject: fridays aren't so bad... Time: 11:30 am Current Mood: dirty

it is before noon and i am awake! it was my first film tutorial of the second semester and i actually attended! at 10AM. i can generally never get up to go to that class but today i was inspired. ill, exhausted, hungover, wearing the same clothes as the day before and absolutely disgusting--but inspired. so inspired i felt it necessary to write this down for the world to see. yesterday was fun..ny? i went to whole foods and discovered that pretty much EVERYONE works there. not too sure why though...ate some good mashed potatoes, and then went to my Western Tradition class. i passed my exam...barely. and then i thought it was wise to go out drinking? i don't know why, looking back, i'm not too sure the evening/night/morning was worth this thing right now. ESPECIALLY because tonight is such a big party night, i should have saved some of my energies for that. ok sleep time, maybe food time. some observations -not seeing someone for a long time does not make them cuter -i am not so keen on the u of t. --i want out, but not too sure how to get out.

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December 1st, 2005

Current Music: do make say think-minmin Subject: THE INTERNET WAS CREATED TO DESTROY MY LIFE Time: 02:49 am Current Mood: aggravated

it has reduced me to posting in lj way too often, about things everyone is going through, and only i care about. I HATE THAT YOU HAVE BECOME WHAT I'M MOST ADDICTED TO. the fucking INTERNET. FUCK. ps. go find, and see T O U C H I N G. we'll chat. pps. i miss stuff, but i don't know what. also, i've discovered i'm incapable of making new friends, so i really need my old ones. keep me optmistic, i need it.

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November 25th, 2005

Subject: i've learned. Time: 04:09 am Current Mood: determined

1. sleep is for the weak. 2. all good things come to an end. 3. all bad things never come to an end. EVER.

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November 21st, 2005

Current Music: regina spektor-the flowers Subject: eeeeeeh! Time: 08:54 pm Current Mood: flirty

i have a crush. surprised? heehee.

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November 8th, 2005

Subject: I LOVE PROCRASTINATING! Time: 03:14 pm

last cigarette: in england last summer last alcoholic drink: beer, last night. last car ride: on sunday, mom drove me back to school last kiss: a couple weeks ago. last good cry: last tuesday last movie seen in a theater: the squid and the whale last book read: things fall apart last movie rented: the miser's heart last cuss word uttered: i don't know. fuck probably last beverage drank: orange juice last food consumed: toast and peanut butter last phone call: naomi last tv show watched: um, i watched the movie sideways on tv... last shoes worn: plaid nike high tops last cd played: animal collective-sung tongs last item bought: concert tickets last download: can't remember last annoyance: school last disappointment: a boy. sigh. last soda drank: sprite last thing written: film lecture notes last key used: the key to my room last word spoken: thanks last sleep: last night last sexual fantasy: haha, um, it's been a while last ice cream eaten: vanilla/chocolate last time amused: today, i bought concert tickets, which was apparently very exciting for the persom selling them. last time wanting to die: can't remember last time in love: ... last time hugged: last night last time scolded: it's being awhile, surprisingly...or maybe yesterday by katia. last time resentful: yesterday? today? i don't know, i'm always resentful. last chair sat in: desk chair last lipstick used: couldn't tell you. last underwear worn: pink stripes. ae. awesome. last bra worn: blue. flowers. hot. last web page visited: facebook. duh.

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October 31st, 2005

Time: 11:17 pm

this sucks. like a lot.

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October 30th, 2005

Subject: i've got nothing for you. Time: 09:37 pm Current Mood: weird

this weekend has been interesting. good, i think. i let myself get carried away though. i called someone on a whim today and he thanked me for giving a shit. it caught me off guard. i don't want to deal with that right now. i can't get in over my head. i can't get too distracted. i wonder if i felt that way i would say those words. i don't think i'd have the courage. let's not get caught up. ok? i need something exciting to happen to me. right now. a phone call would be nice.

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October 26th, 2005

Current Music: Antony and the Johnsons (new obsession) Subject: i've never read your favorite books. Time: 11:06 am Current Mood: amused

My computer which i have defended with my life is being slow and stupid these days. i need to learn some comp literacy. this should be mandatory school teachings, for sure. anyway i had my first and only midterm last night and i failed. hands down, no questions asked. multiple choice is SUCH a bitch. it's truly evil. mind you, it would have helped if i studied a bit more diligently, but still, i'm not used to not being able to work around these things. and not cheating is excruciating. but, there's not much i can do about it now, so, moving on. school is intense, and scary, but wonderful. besides academics, which i've managed to push aside (wrongly so), i've met some cool people. i'm also in love with numerous people including 1 prof + my TA for the class. TA (dale) always talks about going to the bar with nick (prof) and it makes me warm and fuzzy inside. what i would do to go have drink with them. it's amazing how a good and interesting educator can become oh so very attractive, for that very reason. i'm also in love with a gay boy, and a not gay boy who doesn't love me. things with roomie are getting better, except last night she came in at midnight which was very early for her, so things were fairly awkward. it was quite the full house in our room. this morning she did ask me what i did last night, which is fairly amusing because as a general rule we don't ask each other about our social lives. if there are boys here, we say our hellos and that's about it, but i guess something peaked her curiosity. she also left again last night and didn't come in until 4. arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i have to memorize the first 12 lines on the aeneid? commencement on friday! eek? + halloween, so much partying. ps. i wanted to do a survey but i still don't know how to do lj-cut, so i'm saving myself the embarrassment. peace.

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October 6th, 2005

Current Music: a silver mt. zion-a triumph for our tired eyes Subject: i'm sorry, but i've found someone else. Time: 11:07 am Current Mood: hungry

university is KILLING me. it's only october and i'm confident i'm going to fail school. i don't know what has happened. i was almost motivated for a short time-in that i at least took somewhat relevant notes in class, but no longer. i can't even bring myself to write notes! or read the books! seriously i don't know what to do. and i always complain about not having any new friends (i swear i don't) but my social life is still managing to take over my should be-well balanced lifestyle. oh and the internet certainly is not helping. my new obsession is facebook. (if you're in university, get it, NOW.) www.facebook.com. it's better by about a million than myspace. i'm telling you, it is the best way to stalk people. haha, also- boys+university=bad. if anything will for sure make me fail, it will be a boy, i know it. i can see it's already happening. BUT i'm thoroughly enjoying my cinema studies. i mean we get to watch movies every week! yesterday i saw the cutest movie that everyone should check out, it will make you warm and fuzzy inside. it's a harold lloyd film called "the kid brother". it's silent but someone came in to do a live accompaniment on the piano, which was awesome. well i should go attempt to grapple some sophocles and virgil for this afternoon. i'm excited for thanksgiving. i thought i was going to my cottage on friday but i'm not until saturday, so let's hang out? i'm even more excited for commencement. it's going to be SO strange. i can't wait. love.

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September 15th, 2005

Current Music: david's (very) good music. thanks dave. whoever you are. Subject: i miss old school. Time: 11:55 pm Current Mood: discontent

i wanted to wait until the end of the week to do my big university update so i would be able to reflect over all my classes and experiences that i've had over the past week and a half, but considering i have numerous other things to do for tomorrow (like sleep) i decided to begin my university procrastination and update now. so far? university is just odd. i've had 4 classes so far and i'm excited about 2 of them. today i had a terrifying class where i began questioning whether i'm intelligent enough to be in university. i know nothing about ancient civilizations, greek mythology, homer, or the iliad. all things i need to know to read and, comprehend, the odyssey by next thursday. i haven't even bought the book yet. the books i have bought have left me horrified because they're so effing expensive. a binded "kit" of photocopied articles costs more than $60! i'm also horrified at the immense amount of reading i'll be doing. and here i was worried about my lack of social life because my res is so secluded. it doesn't matter though because i won't have time to be social. but come visit me. please. i'm so lonely. my roommate is NEVER here. the last time i actually saw her for more than 2 minutes was on monday. she doesn't even sleep here. she hates it here and all she ever does is talk on her cellphone to people in foreign countries in languages i don't know (she's lebanese/english/french). it makes me sad because she's so cute and i like her but i don't think it's mutual. i have 2 other suite mates that live in my apartment with me but they're both introverted 3rd years who i also never see. and i'm on the 8th floor of my building, which no one has ever been on. i think i've re-encountered more people from my past here than i've actually met. it's crazy how many people go here. i hung out with alex yesterday/today after not talking to him since january. i thought he had fallen off the planet, and then all of a sudden he's just around the corner. it's a strange feeling. i def. don't think my social life has taken off since i got here though. i think i've met maybe 3 people i speak to on a regular basis. i like to think it's hard to meet new people when you already have friends in a new situation, but actually i just think i can't make friends because i'm lame. i spend so much time in my sparse apartment making grilled cheeses and surfing the net in my room. this is not what university is supposed to be about. i'm starting to like my room though, i went to a poster sale today and got a few things so my room looking a bit less barren. the rest of the apartment is pretty pathetic though. i need home like things. or roommates with enthusiasm. i met someone who's ex-gf's name is mariel. he thought it was pretty magical that i ended up coincidentally sitting next to him in film studies. he even showed me his ring with my name engraved in it. and a picture of the other mariel. he now wants to be my bff. or something else?...he's pretty awesome though. he wears a baby blue bandana that faith convinced him was incredibly awesome. he promised us he would wear it every time he sees us. so far he's been true to his word. i can't wait until the weekend. oh. and i have a crush on every boy here. truly. peace.

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September 3rd, 2005

Current Music: mobius band-the loving sounds of static Subject: come visit me in toronto! Time: 12:46 pm Current Mood: busy

haha, no but seriously. i'll be living in the rowell jackman apartment building on the vic campus which is on charles st. west...i think. i don't know the exact address or my room number at the moment but i do know i'm on the 8th floor which is the healthy lifestyle house. considering it's quite obvious i don't belong there, i'll need moral support from the outside world. i do have an en-suite bathroom and kitchen so when you come and visit me we can have tea and cookies. or juice if you want. no coffee or alcohol though, my roommates will probably shun me even more than they will. anyway i should pack, i haven't started that yet. oh and i don't plan on having a land line, but i have my cellular telephone. leave messages! oh and tonight- the snukals and langers are getting together for one last final send off, together as one big family gathering. hilarity will ensue, i'm sure.

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September 2nd, 2005

Time: 12:42 am

i'm sorry that i ask you to call me and i don't return your calls. it makes me feel better about myself.

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September 1st, 2005

Current Music: johnny cash-hurt Subject: show me a day when the world wasn't new. Time: 09:56 pm Current Mood: pensive

i would really like for it to rain. i spoke to a missing friend today. it was sad.

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August 31st, 2005

Current Music: Ted Leo- where have all the rude boys gone Subject: fuchs! Time: 04:30 pm Current Mood: contemplative

i have a new found respect for parents. not necessarily my own, but it is an amazing feat raising children. it's hard work! it's funny how the last week of summer, the week where i should be getting my life together before i move out, is the only time i've had some sort of employment all summer. it certainly has turned my schedule upside down. i keep making and breaking plans thinking i have time to be as social as usual. i think i'm going to have a rude awakening when i 'm in university. right now i'm in such a state of limbo. i know there are probably numerous things i should be doing, but i don't know what they are, so i end up not doing much with my final days of freedom besides making impractical plans. and i'm scared. i'm moving out on sunday and i have no idea what to expect whatsoever. of course other people have already moved away and started school but their words of wisdom aren't encouraging me. i am encouraged though because i finally got my iBook. i'm sort of obsessed with it. not only is it a great lap warmer/table/music player/information centre, it has also become my friend. i feel uncomfortable leaving the house for long periods of time knowing it will be home all alone. but i also can't bring myself to take it away from the nest. too many bad things could happen to it. i wish the summer was only just starting. everyone is leaving me. it's a strange feeling. even when someone wasn't at arms reach all the time, it was comforting knowing i'd see them the next day. i did find out out that a friend from my France trip is going to U of T (with me) though, so i'm pretty effing excited. wish me luck?

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July 30th, 2005

Subject: ick ick ick. Time: 11:46 pm Current Mood: angry

i've been having a fairly "regular" summer (regular for normal people, but quite unusual for me.) i've been procrastinating getting a job pretty much since i was about 16, and it was all fine until about a couple weeks ago. I had my wisdom teeth out, which is quite horrendous if you ask me, but after that I was out of excuses for job hunting. so i finnnnallllyyy decided that on thursday, the 28th of july, i was going to get my act together. the night before i was at a party but went home fairly early (and angry) knowing that i would have to get up early. get up early i did. 5:30 AM!!! KNOW WHY?!!! BECAUSE I'M EFFING SICK, THAT'S WHY!! I woke up and i couldn't bloody swallow, let alone make coherent actions or decisions. i ended up leaving my fate in the hands of the medical profession. so they go through my possible fatal ailments of west nile virus, meningitis, mono or hey, maybe strep throat. now the funny thing is, i know someone (not naming names) who had strep throat like 3 weeks ago. i know it seems unlikely but i don't how long these things can lay dormant. unfortunately i don't find out about what's wrong with me, until monday, so i still have a good day and a half of bloody brutalness. i won't be all melodramatic and say that i'm not feeling a bit better, (i am, i didn't cry today) but now i'm coughing!! i wasn't coughing before! (maybe pneumonia?) i also haven't bathed since wednesday morning, or eaten solid food. i did drink water today though, and it came out my nose! that was pretty exciting. i've been reduced to sleeping most of the time, and when it's a good couple hours, watching movies like collateral. i hope the world outside has been a bit more exciting. you better not come near me, not for a very long time. peace.

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